Author: WorkAuthentically

Buddy the Elf

Posted on by WorkAuthentically

One of my favorite holiday movies, Elf, stars Will Farrell as Buddy the Elf. Buddy is adopted as a baby and raised by an elf at the North Pole. Through a series of events focused on identifying people’s strengths (which as a career coach, I love!), he is shocked to discover that he’s actually a human, rather than an elf, and sets out to find his birth father in New York City.

There are lots of delightful scenes and quotable lines in this movie, but the one I want to talk about today happens when Buddy is at work for the first time with his birth father. The office phone rings and Buddy dives over his father to answer it by saying, “Buddy the Elf. What’s your favorite color?” The business person on the other end of the phone line immediately hangs up, maybe because it seems like such a ridiculous question.

Watching the movie this year, it occurred to me that “What’s your favorite color?” isn’t a silly, unimportant question. It’s actually a critical way to get to know someone on a deeper level and it’s a question that my children ask almost everyone they meet. 

“What’s your favorite color?” is way to understand something that is important to another person. My kids use it to inform the art that they make when they create a drawing or a card for someone else. They use it when they are selecting a gift for a friend or family member. The favorite color becomes a way for them to show they care about something that is important to someone else.

When’s the last time you asked a meaningful question to someone at work? Are you using that information to show them that you care about whatever it is that’s important to them? One of the 12 questions in the Gallup survey used to assess global employee engagement is “Does your supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about you as a person?” If you’re not confident that your co-workers would respond yes, maybe you need to find out what their favorite color is!

In case you’re not sure where to start, here’s 25 questions to get the ball rolling. Not enough? Here’s 70 more questions! And you are welcome to read what engaged employees do differently and how you can help (spoiler alert, it’s asking good questions!).

#PositiveAction Ask a co-worker a meaningful question to get to know them better, listen to the answer, and then find a way to demonstrate you heard them. This type of small, kind gesture can be transformational in the workplace!

 

Image by Bruce Emmerling from Pixabay

Dreams Deferred

Posted on by WorkAuthentically
If only our dreams introduced themselves to us so neatly!

For a long time, I had a dream to “help the environment someday”. A very nebulous, though perhaps noble, goal. Unfortunately, there were always things that seemed to get in the way. I recognize them now as mostly excuses and fears, but at the time, they seemed like legitimate concerns.

I’m too busy. It’s very inconvenient. My kids are small and need all my attention right now. The list goes on (and on and on!). 

So I did what most of us do when confronted with all the reasons not to pursue my dream. I waited. I waited for the perfect timing (it never came!). I waited to be less busy (I never was!). I waited for the right conditions (you guessed it, never happened!). I waited for a sign (still waiting!). And a decade went by. 

You might be wondering to yourself how a person like me, known to many as a great accountability partner, could let this happen. Where was the accountability on my own dream? So glad you asked!

The first obstacle for me was that I didn’t acknowledge the fact that this was a dream. I had been treating it as a nice-to-have-someday sort of wish, rather than a dream I wanted to work to fulfill. We’ve talked before about the importance of dreaming big. I had failed to do that in this regard.

Another way I let myself off the hook was through inaction. I was paralyzed by trying to decide the best way to help the environment someday. Every time I would think about it, I’d feel stuck or overwhelmed, so I’d stop. I’ve shared before that hope isn’t a plan and sometimes the best plan is to stop planning and start taking action!

Interestingly, we all end up in this scenario at some point over the course of our careers. Sometimes, it’s the role we’re afraid to say out loud that we’d really love to have. It can be the new technology you’d like to take a class to learn more about, but are afraid of being the oldest (or youngest!) person there. Maybe you’d like to do a full career pivot, but don’t have the slightest idea what you’d pivot to. 

The writer Sarah Ban Breathnach reminds us, “It’s never too late to reclaim your individual gifts, resuscitate a dream, create an authentic life.” That’s some great encouragement! Especially for those of us with dreams that have been on the backburner for a decade or more!!

Where to start? How about with the same two principles that helped me finally move forward. Acknowledge your dream and put some clarity around it. Then, try doing one small thing to get some momentum. 

For me, it started with reading a few books and watching some documentaries. Then I decided to apply for a leadership training. After the panic wore off from getting accepted to the training, I found ways to make the training as meaningful as possible, including building connections with people. That led to forming a group in the Milwaukee area to support each other and continue to take action. 

I couldn’t plan out all these steps in advance because I didn’t know where each action would lead me. That’s the interesting thing about action. It often will surprise you with where you end up because you’re learning and adjusting as you go.

#PositiveAction Do you have something that you’ve been putting off for someday? It’s time to acknowledge that dream and turn it into action, one small step at a time!

 

 

 

Image from Pixabay

Gratitude

Posted on by WorkAuthentically

thank you note

As I’ve mentioned previously, I have had a word of the year for the past several years. One year, it was the word grateful. As is often the case (or always, so far in my limited experience!), the word starts the year out with one intent, but finishes the year different and more robust than I can imagine.

As one of the ways to steep myself in gratitude, I found the book, Living in Gratitude by Angeles Arrien which is a delightful month-by-month guide to exploring gratitude. The book has interesting tidbits from all sorts of history and traditions along with the seasons and what is happening in nature each month of the year. 

It helped to open my eyes not just to the obvious things I have to be grateful for (food, clothing, shelter, family, friends, etc.) but also connected me to the tradition of gratitude across time and cultures. It made my feeling of gratitude much more expansive as a result.

Gratitude can be especially powerful if you’re not completely happy with your current work situation, regardless of whether it’s the specific job, team, or company. Focusing on the things you’re grateful for at work can infuse you with some much needed joy and energy to forge ahead with your less enjoyable tasks. 

It can be as simple as remembering the special bond you have with one person at work. You know, the one person you tell everything! You’re lucky to have someone like that. Maybe it’s the great food in the cafeteria. More likely, it’s the fact that your company is located nearby to that amazing Mexican food place! It could be that you get to dress however you want. Or maybe the supply closet always has a stash of your favorite type of pen. These sound silly, but appreciating the little things truly makes bad days better and good days great.

If you’re located in the U.S., this is the week that we celebrate Thanksgiving. Some people prefer to breeze through Thanksgiving on their way to Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Giving Tuesday. Instead, I would encourage you to pause and reflect and savor a few of those things that fill you with gratitude. 

As for me, I’ll be spending the week expressing gratitude and sending notes to people letting them know what I appreciate about them. 

#PositiveAction Write a list of 5 things you’re grateful for at work. Bonus points for telling someone else what you appreciate in them!

 

 

Image by June Laves from Pixabay

Thoughts on Mudpots

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Last summer I had the opportunity to travel to Yellowstone National Park as part of an epic family road trip. *Side note: if you're heading there anytime soon, check out this awesome guide! Yes, I also have a 3-ring binder filled with travel details if you want to know more. Are you at all surprised?!? End side note!*

Yellowstone is a huge swath of wilderness known for its unusual geothermal activity. The picture above is of a mudpot – a place where the ground is literally bubbling due to the hot water just under the surface. Not particularly exciting or aesthetically pleasing in photo format, but very cool to see in person.

I was going through my pictures of that trip recently and when I saw the mudpots, my brain immediately went to how similar mudpots are to humans. Not in a Creature From the Black Lagoon or Scooby Doo mud monster kind of way. Rather in how we all have things (good and bad usually) bubbling just below the surface. Unlike the mudpots where you can see the mud bubbling in real time, we try to keep those thoughts, ideas, and feelings hidden.

The mud is hidden, but it's there. At Yellowstone, they put up boardwalks and railings to keep us a safe distance from the boiling mud. Too bad people don't come with those!

Right now, I have several big projects coming to critical points at the same time, so although it's good mud that's bubbling within me, I need to find a way to bring it back down from a boil to a simmer so it doesn't steal my focus from the people, discussions, and projects that are important to me. 

One of the ways I do that is to write down the muddy ideas. When I get them out of my head and onto paper, my brain stops churning on them. Another way is to keep reminding myself how it all aligns to my purpose, which smooths out the mud and serves to calm me down.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is recognize when someone else is experiencing a fit of bubbling mud. At work, we can get so focused on our daily tasks that we forget to check in with people on how they're feeling. You'd be surprised what a difference it will make in a co-worker's day if you make time to ask them how they're feeling and really listen to the answer.

#PositiveAction What thoughts, ideas, and feelings are bubbling up right now? Do one thing to help yourself or better yet, someone else, smooth out the mud!

 

 

 

Photo by me, in Yellowstone National Park.

Flossing (Not the Dance)

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This post is an excerpt from my soon-to-be-published book. If you’d like to be one of the first to know when it’s available, jump the line and sign up for my newsletter!

There are times in everyone’s life where we need someone to coach us through small (and sometimes big!) moments. Here’s an example. I’ve struggled for most of my adult life with consistently flossing my teeth. I was a sometimes-flosser, not a daily-flosser. *Gasp!* I know. I was familiar with the lecture from the dental folks that I only had to see twice a year on how it’s important and healthy and blah-blah-blah. I knew the right thing to do. I was lacking in the action department.

When you see dental floss commercials, they always show someone flossing as they get ready for bed. Same on TV sitcoms. I naturally assumed that the only time of day to floss was right before bedtime, since that’s what I’d seen. Here’s the issue. I’m a morning person. I do my best work and have my highest energy in the morning. At night I’m tired (and sometimes grumpy!) and have no interest in expending effort on… well, anything… but especially flossing!

Enter the dental hygienist who successfully coached me through the issue. I shared with her that I was a morning person and was too tired at night to floss every night (a lame, but very true excuse). Instead of telling me I should try harder or that it’s important and healthy, she gave me an easy positive action to take. Floss at the time of day that works best for me. 

Wait. What? Do it when it’s convenient for me? Like pretty much everyone else in the world, I LOVE things that are convenient for me! How has this idea never been mentioned before?!?!

Pretty simple (and obvious) right? But it had never occurred to me because I believed flossing was part of a bedtime routine. That simple insight to get me unstuck completely changed when and how often I floss.

Unless you’re in the tooth cleaning industry, this probably sounds insignificant. It’s just a little more minty freshness in the world. No big deal. But it was the exact insight I needed to finally take positive action to do something different to get a different result.

The same is true for a coach in any other aspect of your life. They will ask the hard questions and point out the sometimes obvious insights to help you get unstuck. It’s one of my favorite parts of working with clients when I can help them move past an issue that’s been holding them back. Remember, coaches come in all different forms, sometimes with an official title, but more often in the form of a friend or co-worker or dental hygienist willing to point out an alternative course of action for you to try.

#PositiveAction What’s that small thing you’ve avoided changing, even though you probably know what to do? Find a way to reframe by asking a friend for ideas to get unstuck.  

 

 Image by 2396521 from Pixabay

On Purpose

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I’ve been thinking about purpose a lot lately, maybe because I was able to witness an example of a life well-lived during the Honor Flight. Or maybe because I’ve been working on manifesting (making real) some big dreams, like writing a book! I’ve had several reminders lately to keep my focus on my purpose that were worth sharing.

My purpose is to educate and empower others to take positive action. I get to do that through my career coaching, where I help clients get unstuck, move forward, tell their best story, and find meaningful work. I get to do that when I’m speaking to a group. I also get to do that through my volunteer work with the Climate Reality Project. Interestingly, I also get to do that as a parent, friend, child, co-worker… really any relationship I have with another human is a chance to live into my purpose.

The challenge comes when life starts to happen all around. It’s easy to focus on all the tasks that need doing, without remembering the why (purpose) behind those tasks. Lately, I’ve been struggling with a few administrative-type tasks and finding ways to get them done sooner and better. When I think about the task itself, it makes me want to cringe or run away! But when I think about how it enables me to live out my purpose, the burdensome administrative task becomes easier. 

As another example, I have been enjoying a period of growth in my business and it’s been awesome, but it’s also made everything feel a lot more busy. That rushed, overwhelmed feeling likes to sneak in at times like that. I had mentioned how busy I was to a good friend and he immediately asked me, “Are you so busy that you can’t help one more person this month who is struggling in their job?” Hmm. Good question. When I listen to the busy, my brain wants to freak out and turn down opportunities. When I listen to my purpose, I can say with confidence, “Yes! I can help.”

I made a deliberate choice to start living life on purpose and it’s a change that’s been transformational for me. However, making the choice once doesn’t make it real. I have to consistently choose to be on purpose in order to live into it. I’m grateful for the reminders that keep bringing me back to that fact.

#PositiveAction Do one thing that brings you closer to working on purpose today. It could be defining your purpose, course correcting, or saying yes to an opportunity.  

 

 

 

Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

Ordinary Can Be Extraordinary

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Last week, I shared a little bit about the awesome Honor Flight that I was lucky to be a part of and what a great experience we had. It was literally a day of kindness… which was cool since that is one of the attributes that my great uncle is known for. He is also known for his compassion. 

Kindness and compassion aren’t necessarily celebrated as top leadership traits in the world of work and yet any one of us knows that working for or with someone kind and compassionate is a pretty great experience. 

What can we learn from this? 

  1. Live into your strengths, whatever they are
  2. Don’t worry if you lack the “traditional” qualities
  3. Actions leave a lasting impact, even seemingly ordinary ones

First and foremost, you need to identify and accept  your wonderful, weird strengths. Then use them wherever and whenever you can! If it’s compassion and kindness, like my great uncle, do that! If it’s strategy and planning, do that!

Second, the narrow definitions we see on what makes a great employee or leader often fail to take into account the first point. When we’re using our strengths, we will be most successful. That will look different for each of us, of course, but the fact remains. In the case of my great uncle, his approach was different than many educators of that time. Instead of focusing on discipline, he leaned into his strengths of kindness and compassion.

Third, our ordinary actions in our ordinary moments in any given ordinary day are often the things that are most vividly remembered later. I love the irony of this! My kids are frequent reminders to me because we always talk about our favorite part of the day before bedtime. 9 times out of 10, it’s the everyday activity that stands out for them: reading books together or playing a game or watching our favorite show as a family. No fancy trip to a theme park or over-the-top gift required! Just hanging out doing the stuff we were going to do anyway. Basically extra ordinary is all that’s required.

That brings me back to my great uncle. He’s spent his life displaying kindness and compassion, regardless of if it was in style or what “successful” leaders did. It wasn’t noteworthy or award-winning. It was weaved into his ordinary every day. And it was so memorable that many of his former 6th grade students felt the need to thank him for it nearly 50 years later. That’s pretty extraordinary to me!

#PositiveAction Think about the legacy you’re creating by using your strengths. How are you making your ordinary days extraordinary?

 

 

Lesson from the Honor Flight

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Throw kindness around like confetti
The lesson: You can never have too much kindness

I had the privilege to fly with my great uncle, a WWII Navy veteran, on the Honor Flight last weekend. It was an action-packed, whirlwind of a day (starting at 3am and ending around 11pm!) and it took me a several days to collect my thoughts around it. 

For those that don't know, the Honor Flight takes veterans on a trip to Washington D.C. to visit the monuments and memorials and creates a day that is all about thanking them for their service to our country. 

As part of the flight, families collect letters from friends and family members to give to the veteran to show our love and appreciation for them. Several of the letters we collected were from former students that my uncle taught in the 1960's. Back then, he was teaching 6th grade and it was interesting to see multiple letters come from students in those classes.

One of his former students happens to live in the Washington D.C. area and asked if she could meet up with us during the day. We had the opportunity to meet at the National Mall at the WWII memorial. She showed up with a welcome sign and greeted our bus.

After my uncle's surprise of seeing a student and some catching up, along with many photos taken, I asked her the question that had been on my mind since the letters had arrived weeks before. What was it that was so memorable about her 6th grade teacher that she would be willing to go out of her way on a gorgeous fall Saturday and meet up with us?

Her answer: Kindness.

She remembered the kindness he showed her in 6th grade, whether teaching or helping her with a problem, like the time she forgot her swimming suit for Friday swim. It was the kindness she remembered vividly all these years later.

And she wasn't the only one! So many of the 30+ letters we got mentioned kindness and how much of a difference that made in people's lives. 

What's interesting is that I had noticed kindness from others all day as we participated in the Honor Flight. Flight team members, bus captains, volunteers, even total strangers all showered us with kindness throughout the day and that huge amount of kindness made it  truly memorable. I've never been part of a day-long celebration of kindness before and it was remarkable! 

I know that I'll remember the kindness that surrounded us for a long time (maybe as long as those 6th grade students have!). It was a great reminder for me on how I want to show up in life and at work.

#PositiveAction How can you throw kindness around like confetti today? 

Photo by me, of my starting-to-get-worn notebook that is on pace to run out of empty pages by year's end. 

 

Let It Go

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I took the above picture while I was out walking last week. I try to get outside more in fall because it’s my favorite season! On my walk, I was enjoying sunshine, warm air, and all the sights and sounds of fall when I came upon this feather. It got me thinking (which I’ve learned to embrace, since I have yet to find a way to keep my brain from running down random pathways pretty much all the time!). 

This feather used to be attached to a bird. I’m no ornithologist, so I can’t tell you which one, but here’s something I do know about birds. They need feathers. Feathers help them stay warm. More importantly, birds need feathers in order to fly.

This feather was on the ground. Not helping a bird fly. I starting thinking about that fact: the bird was still flying, even without this feather.  

As humans, we are infinitely complex. We each have different strengths, skills, talents, preferences, beliefs, habits, experiences, and more. And each day we continue to add to our respective lists. However, some of those things that were useful to us in the past may not serve a purpose anymore. Just like that feather. 

Here’s how that's been showing up in my life lately. I used to enjoy a bowl of ice cream while watching my favorite show. It was a fun treat. And then it started to become more of a habit. Something I was doing more often than not each week. I needed to let that habit go (along with several pounds!). 

Here's another one. I was raised with a belief that a good job was one with a steady paycheck and a lower incidence of layoffs. I’d never examined that belief or questioned it to see if it matched my reality. Then, I left my safe job in corporate America to start my own business. It became apparent pretty quickly that this particular belief wasn’t serving me anymore and I needed to let it go if I wanted to move forward.

We’re entering fall, the season of letting go. It’s important to give yourself space by saying no and this is another way to do that. It’s a great time of year to step back and see what you can live and work without. Let the leaves (and feathers) fall!

#PositiveAction Find one habit or belief that is no longer serving you and let it go!

Photo by me during a walk on a gorgeous fall day!

Say No

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Last week we talked about why we need to say yes more often. This week, let’s talk about why we should say no. 

I read a fantastic article about the need for saying no to create more joy in our lives. No has a negative connotation, but the part I hadn’t considered before was that every no is also a yes. 

Wait, what? Saying no to going out is saying yes to giving yourself some time to relax at home. Mind fully blown.

I’m not now, nor have I ever been, a learner for learning’s sake. I need to convert my knowledge to action. It’s not enough to know for me. I need to test things out and see how they function in this crazy little place we call reality.

Here’s an example. Since the invention of email, my inbox has always been more full than I would like. I continue to refine systems and approaches around it (although some days it seems like the Gremlins that multiply when you feed them after midnight!), but no matter what productivity approach I’ve tried, I always have more. I’ve never gotten to inbox zero for more than a split second. Time to apply this new knowledge around saying no!

What could I say no to in my inbox? I immediately found three email newsletters and hit unsubscribe. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to do that with a concise and fun newsletter like mine, but there were several newsletters that took a lot of time to read that were no longer delivering the same value I once got out of them. So I said no. Which is actually saying yes to other things that are more important to me, like time to write my first book (I know! Exciting, right?). 

It’s such a simple concept to say no and one that can be transformational, as I am finding out as I experiment with it more.

#PositiveAction What is something you need to say no to so that you can say yes to something else? Start creating that space for yourself today!

 

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay